Gaming CVs: Sonic the Hedgehog
Name: Sonic The Hedgehog
Former Occupation: Hedgehog (Since 1991)
- Running at supersonic speeds
- Collector of randomly placed golden rings (but will lose them almost immediately)
- Kinda skilled in unarmed combat, but not as skilled as you would think an anthropomorphised hedgehog who can travel at the speed of sound would be.
- Well trained in the use of a skateboard for use in racing, but again, why a creature who can travel faster than the speed of sound need any mode of transport is beyond me.
- Warning kids about the dangers of pedophiles (Seriously, he did this)
- Being the kinda of shitty mascot for a company that should have died a long time ago.
- Easily marketable.
Miles Prower, other wise known as Tails.
‘I used to only have one tail, then that blue git stapled this second one to my arse and started calling me tails! then everyone else started calling me Tails, and it just kinda stuck. He’d be very good if the job requires going very fast and destroying robots in awfully inefficient ways, I mean he fights like a gimp, just throwing his body at what evers in front of him, hoping his momentum is enough to solve the problem, and the amount of times he’s used me as a glider, it’s not right, I’m a fox, not a bloody parachute.’
‘Yes, I do look a bit like a pedo, get over it, I like the mustache. As for Sonic, he’s an anarchist who keeps fucking up my plans, and why? because he doesn’t like the idea of big government, or any government for that matter. Have you seen where we live? It’s Hell on fucking earth! No law or order of any note, crime is rife, and most of the terrain has been altered to be race tracks, we can’t afford race tracks, we can barely afford hospitals and schools. And who the fuck built Casino Night? Sonic loves it like this though, just because he’s faster than everyone else, he feels he has the right to dictate what we do, well in the real world the fastest people are nothing! they’re occasionally gawked at then we all move on with our lives, when will Sonic understand this?